Karrie's Box of Thoughts

Thursday, January 19, 2006

By an Anonymous 2nd grade teacher

I've been teaching now for about fifteen years. I have
two kids myself, but the best birth story I know is
the one I saw in my own second-grade classroom a few
years back. When I was a kid, I loved show-and-tell.
So I always have a few sessions with my students. It
helps them get over shyness and usually, show-and-tell
is pretty tame. Kids bring in pet turtles, model
airplanes, pictures of fish they catch, stuff like
that. And I never, ever place any boundaries or
limitations on them. If they want to lug it in to
school and talk about it, they're welcome.

Well, one day this little girl, Erica, a very bright,
very outgoing kid, takes her turn and waddles up to
the front of the class with a pillow stuffed under her
sweater.

She holds up a snapshot of an infant. "This is Luke,
my baby brother, and I'm going to tell you about his
birthday. First, Mom and Dad made him as a symbol of
their love, and then Dad put a seed in my Mom's
stomach, and Luke grew in there. He ate for nine
months through an umbrella cord."

She's standing there with her hands on the pillow, and
I'm trying not to laugh and wishing I had my camcorder
with me. The kids are watching her in amazement.

"Then, about two Saturdays ago, my Mom starts saying
and going, 'Oh, oh, oh, oh!' " Erica puts a hand
behind her back and groans. "She walked around the
house for, like an hour, 'Oh, oh, oh!'" Now this kid
is doing a hysterical duck walk and groaning.

"My Dad called the middle wife. She delivers babies,
but she doesn't have a sign on the car like the
Domino's man. They got my Mom to lie down in bed like
this. Then Erica lies down with her back against the wall.

"And then, pop! My Mom had this bag of water she kept
in there in case he got thirsty, and it just blew up
and spilled all over the bed, like psshhheew!" This
kid has her legs spread and with her little hands are
miming water flowing away. It was too much!

"Then the middle wife starts saying 'push, push,' and
'breathe, breathe.' They started counting, but never
even got past ten. Then, all of a sudden, out comes my
brother. He was covered in yucky stuff, they all said
it was from Mom's play-center, so there must be a lot
of stuff inside there."

Then Erica stood up, took a big theatrical bow and
returned to her seat. I'm sure I applauded the
loudest. Ever since then, if it's show-and-tell day, I
bring my camcorder, just in case another Erica comes
along.

As told by moi9:55 AM ...